New Military Oaths: from userfriendly.org
Oaths of Enlistment All persons, upon entering the Military Service and upon reenlistment are required to take the Oath of Enlistment. At one time the Oath of Enlistment was the same for all services. Due to changes in both society and the differing Military Branches, the Oath has undergone marked change and has been specifically tailored to each branch of the Military and their specific function. Here are the latest versions of the Oath of Enlistment as recently released by the Joint Chief's of Staff: US AIR FORCE OATH OF ENLISTMENT I, (State your name), swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the UNITED STATES AIR FORCE because I know I couldn't hack it in the Army, because the Marines frighten me and I am afraid of water over waist deep. I swear to sit behind a desk. I also swear not to do any form of real exercise, but promise to defend our bike-riding test as a valid form of exercise. I promise to walk around calling everyone by their first name because I find it amusing to annoy the other services. I will have a better quality of life than those around me and will, at all times, be sure to make them aware of that fact. After completion of "Basic Training" I will be a lean, mean, donut-eating, lazy-boy sitting, civilian-wearing-blue-clothes, Chair borne Ranger. I will believe I am superior to all others and will make an effort to clean the knife before stabbing the next person in the back. I will annoy those around me, and will go home early every day. So Help Me God! ____________________________________________________ Signature Date US ARMY OATH OF ENLISTMENT I, Rambo, swear to sign away 4 years of my mediocre life to the UNITED STATES ARMY because I couldn't score high enough on the ASVAB to get into the Air Force, I'm not tough enough for the Marines, and the Navy won't take me because I can't swim. I will wear camouflage every day and tuck my trousers into my boots because I can't figure out how to use blousing straps. I promise to wear my uniform 24 hours a day even when I have a date. I will continue to tell myself that I am a fierce killing machine because my Drill Sergeant told me I am, despite the fact that the only action I will see is a Court Martial for sexual harassment. I acknowledge the fact that I will make E-8 in my first year of service, and vow to maintain that it is because I scored perfect on my PT test. After completion of my Sexual.....er....I mean "Basic Training," I will attend a different Army school every other month and return knowing less than I did when I left. On my first trip home after Boot Camp I will walk around like I am cool and propose to my 9th grade sweetheart. I will make my wife stay home because if I let her out she might leave me for a better-looking Air Force guy. Should she leave me twelve times I will continue to take her back. While at work, I will maintain a look of knowledge while getting absolutely nothing accomplished. I will arrive to work every day at 1000 hours because of morning PT and leave everyday at 1300 to report back to "COMPANY." I understand that I will undergo no training whatsoever that will help me get a job upon separation, and will end up working construction with my friends from high school. I will brag to everyone about the Army giving me $30,000 for college, but will be unable to use it because I can't pass a placement exam. So Help Me God! ____________________________________________________ Signature Date US NAVY OATH OF ENLISTMENT I, Top Gun, in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the UNITED STATES NAVY, because I want to hang out with Marines without actually having to BE one of them, because I thought the Air Force was too "corporate," because I didn't want to actually live in dirt like the Army, and because I thought, "Hey, I like to swim...why not?" I promise to wear clothes that went out of style in 1976 and to have my name stenciled on the butt of every pair of pants own. I understand that I will be mistaken for the Good Humor Man during summer and for Nazi Waffen SS during the winter. I will strive to use a different language than the rest of the English speaking world, using words like "deck, bulkhead, cover, geedunk, scuttlebutt, scuttle and head," when I really mean "floor, wall, hat, candy, water fountain, hole in wall and toilet." I will take great pride in the fact that all Navy acronyms, rank, and insignia, and everything else for that matter, are completely different from the other services and make absolutely no sense whatsoever. I will muster, whatever that is, at 0700 hours every morning unless I am buddy-buddy with the Chief, in which case I will show up around 0930 hours. I vow to hone my coffee cup handling skills to the point that I can stand up in a kayak being tossed around in a typhoon, and still not spill a drop. I consent to being promoted and subsequently busted at least twice per fiscal year. I realize that, once selected for Chief, I am required to submit myself to the sick, and quite possibly illegal, whims of my new found "colleagues." So Help Me Neptune! ____________________________________________________ Signature Date US MARINE CORPS OATH OF ENLISTMENT I, (have someone recite your name for you), swear.. uhhhh.... high-and-tight.... grunt... cammies....ugh... Air Force women.... HOORAH! So Help Me CORPS.! ____________________________________________________ Thumb Print X Date COAST GUARD OATH OF ENLISTMENT I, Gilligan , swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the COAST GUARD, because I want to hang out with Merchant Marines without actually having to BE one of them, because I thought the Air Force was too "corporate," because I didn't want to actually live in dirt like the Army, I didn't want to have to cut my hair for the Marines, and the US Navy leaves the United States and has big ships, and because I thought, "Hey, I don't want to leave home anyway?" I promise to wear clothes that look like the Air Force because the Coast Guard couldn't come up with their own uniform. I will strive to use a different language than the rest of the English speaking world, using words like "deck, bulkhead, cover, geedunk, scuttlebutt, scuttle and head," when I really mean "floor, wall, hat, candy, water fountain, hole in wall and toilet." I will take great pride in the fact that all Coast Guard acronyms, rank, and insignia, and everything else for that matter, are completely different from the other services and make absolutely no sense whatsoever. I will muster, whatever that is, at 0930 hours every morning at the local doughnut shop and talk about how great it is not to be a real service and fight any wars. I vow to hone my coffee cup handling skills to the point that I can stand up in a dingy being tossed around in a thunder strom, and still not spill a drop. I consent to not being promoted like the real military. I realize that, once selected for Chief, I am required to submit myself to the sick, and quite possibly illegal, whims of my new found "colleagues." So Help Me Department of Transportation! ____________________________________________________ Signature DateComments
HEY this poem thing is AWSOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and I totally AGREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
U.S. Army
Operation Iraqi Freedom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well it all was kinda funny to a piont but just to let you know the coast guard is a real military service. and I think before you start talking about shit you dont even know about you should check your info. First off just to show how real the coast guard is they have the second hardest boot camp in the military, this being because the marines created the coast guard that is why there is always marines at the coast guard graduation. Our reservist do go over sea's to war ya not all the time but it does happen.
Another thing my husband spends days on end at the station. He missed his first daughters birth because he was under way and didnt et to see her until she was 4 months old. But why I am going off like this is because our men and women in the united states coast guard work their asses off to save people's live and I think they do a great job doing it.So do our other service member's and i'm sure alot of people like your poems but it's people like you that make america look bad our military members are fighting to protect us and all you can do if try to find a way to make fun of them.Just be happy you have the freedom to do so and remember why you have that freedom!!!!!!!!!
If you are in the military, you need to be kicked out because they're not doing anything good for our country by making fun of the people who actually risk their lives defending us!
What the hell?! You were obviously not good enough to make it an any branch of the service. What you wrote was bullshit and people like you need to go to hell! If it wasn't for the great men and women in our service you probably wouldn't even be here. Your just jealous of our service men! Grow up and get over what ever world your living in!
Oh sweet potatoes! this was written by a military person. there is a constant inter-military commradre built around just how effective you can be at insulting the other branch. Hell I've known Naval folks to mix it up with Marine folks and there technically in the same branch!!!!
I thought this was funny!! I am a military life and in NO WAY am I making fun of my husband or any of yours. We ALL know what these men go through... Show this to your hubby and see what he says. Mine got a chuckle out of it.
My husband thought it was funny, and he is Air Force, I like how some people thought it was funny to a point, let me guess that point was when your branch was being made fun of? seriously get a life, a harmless joke is all it was, and it's funny cause the reputation is true, we do each in turn make fun of the other branches using these points. Anyone who is offended needs to check their offend-o-meter and turn it way down.
I posted it as humor but to those were offended see my main blog: http://john.lyons-den.org I have posted an apology to those who were offended.
Well, personally I didn't find it funny nor cute. Since those 'army' guys didn't score high enough nor do they learn or accomplish anything daily, I'm completely confident that we can just send you over to fight for your own freedom. When you come home you can write a sarcastic little poem about it.
side note: tell me what freedom of mine is being threatened in Iraq? your post would have made more sense if you would have couched it in terms of American and Humanitarian Interests which are vastly different than American freedoms.
Very funny! We used to tell jokes like this all the time whenever we would get around members from another service. Of course the jokes would change depending on who was present! If there were just Marines and navy types around the navy usually came out as the butt of the joke. But, if we added an army element they would always have to be the object of, affectionate, ridicule.
Semper Fi
Airborne!
This is an old joke that has been running around military circles as long as I can remember. I still think it's funny.
Go Navy, Beat Army ;-)
Ok. I'm a Navy wife, a Young Marine mom and one of my closest friends is Airforce. I really wasn't that offended because the branches do go back and forth at each other just like that. I laughed when I read the Navy oath. I have to ask my husband all the time what stuff means. I can see how some would be offended but being around military all the time, I hear that stuff all the time and you just laugh and tune it out. I don't think the auther meant to be disrespectful or offend. Sounds like he was in the military actually. I think people are just sensitive at this point since many of our spouses or family members are away at war at this moment. For those whose spouses/family are deployed, keep your head up - they couldn't be over seas fighting without your support so you are just as important to this war. And to our military, God bless you all, your the best in the world for a reason!
I thought this was hilarious. It was not written to be rude. It is just a little humor in this serious world. My hubby is Air Force and when I sent this to him, it got passed around to everyone and everybody loved it. If they can take it as a joke, why can't everybody else?
I guess you wrote this because you really couldn't make it in any of the branches, and I guess you are but hurt. What we need to do with this guy is put his ass over in the desert and leave him out in one of the city's and let the insurgents take him prisoner and chop off his damn head. Because he doesn't belong here in the US, and because he is making fun of the men and woman who risk their lives everyday trying to protect this great country.
There is an immense amount of hate in your response John. Read my words more carefully and you find that there is no malice to those who serve. In your response you dishonor your own service by threatening one who you have sworn to protect and defend.
I have sworn to protect thoes who wana be here in the US and the families of our fallen brothers in arms you writing this crap is telling the men and wemon of the armed forces that you have no respect for them at all. you need to take time out of your stupid litle comments and start to thank them for your freedom. because without them the war would be right here at your front or back door.
you swore to defend the constitution of the united states of America. which governs all citizens. those that want to be , those that don't , and those that don't care. you've sworn to defend their right to a freely congregate, to free press, freedom of expression and their right to pursue happiness. I respect the service of those who have gone before and currently in service. as previously stated this was a joke told by a military person to me and that I decided to share on MY blog, which in a recent supreme court hearing is protected under freedom of speech. Threatening me shows how little you value the country you fight for.
the text of the constitution can be found here.
http://www.archives.gov/national-archives-experience/charters/constitution_transcript.html
"I, _____, do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; and that I will obey the orders of the President of the United States and the orders of the officers appointed over me, according to regulations and the Uniform Code of Military Justice. So help me God." (Title 10, US Code; Act of 5 May 1960 replacing the wording first adopted in 1789, with amendment effective 5 October 1962).
"I, _____ (SSAN), having been appointed an officer in the Army of the United States, as indicated above in the grade of _____ do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign or domestic, that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I take this obligation freely, without any mental reservations or purpose of evasion; and that I will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the office upon which I am about to enter; So help me God." (DA Form 71, 1 August 1959, for officers.)
I am the most likely source of this joke. It was something I received in e-mail while I was in the service. I found the stereotypes to be funny, and in rare cases true for all branches. Some of the people responding to this joke with hostility really need to take a good long look in the mirror. I would guess it offends you because in your eyes either you, or someone close to you actually fits the stereotypes in the joke.
Either way you need to learn to quit taking life so seriously. Even when there aren't wars like we have in the Middle East right now the men and women in our Armed Forces are constantly going into harms way. We learn to laugh about it, and to laugh at ourselves. The ones who don't wind up in a straight jacket drooling on themselves.
John (not John Lyons): You're being cruel for no reason. "Chop his head off" over a joke? I'm sorry, but isn't that the same attitude that the radical Islamists have about cartoons featuring likeness of Mohammed?
What are you going to do when one of your fellow troops comes up to you with a printout of this joke (that has been going around in various forms since at least the 1980s), laughing and telling you how funny it is and that you should read it? Or if you get in in an email from a friend in one of the other armed services, or deployed elsewhere in your own service? Are you going to read it and then get all mad and hostile toward your friend or fellow trooper because it doesn't show enough respect?
It's HUMOR, and of the sort that troops pass around among THEMSELVES. Get over it already.
I'm kinda sorry I made a big deal out of this but as I said before it was kinda funny to a point but you have to see why i got mad I just hate it when people say the coast guard is not military we get all the same things as all the other branches and it's not an easy job so i'm just protective of that subject and i know that all the branches tease each other but i think saying someone isn't really military when they are is very disrespectful
my feelings are not hurt. The cost guard gets to pilot some the most awesome ships in the nastiest of seas. some coast guard cutter are neigh near unsinkable. The only comment i took any real exception to was about getting my head cut off, guess you could see how I would take that personally. :)
For the people who read this as a literal oath, check again... it's a joke. If you are the wife/husband of a military person all the branches have jokes like this to say that my branch is better then your branch take it for what your husbands/wives would take it as a laugh and they would probably pass it around on base. Sheesh people are so touchy sometimes... and before you say well you aren't in the military... I will let you know my husband was a Marine for 13 yrs and I was married to him for 11 of those yrs and I saw stuff like this all the time because he'd bring them home for a LAUGH!
As far as I know my husband is not a ape or caveman and he does not grunt or anything, he can talk
US MARINE CORPS OATH OF ENLISTMENT I, (have someone recite your name for you), swear.. uhhhh.... high-and-tight.... grunt... cammies....ugh... Air Force women.... HOORAH! So Help Me CORPS.!
He knows his name, and hates cammies somedays and is fighting for your ass to make fun of the MARINES, you could not make it in the MARINES that is why you make fun of them
For goodness sake I read it to my husband and he thought it was funny wants me to make a copy and give it to another Marine we know... IT's a joke...
It is a comical gip. Yet, it still is a personal attack at each branch of the military. We take our jobs very seriously. So it stings a little when people make fun of what we do and what we stand for.
I am Active Duty Coast Guard and we are a part of the military. We receive the same pay scale, insurance, and retirement as the other branches in the military get. The US Coast Guard is an elite group. We do things, we have access to things that the other brances will never have. Your ASVAB scores have to be off the hook! We just don't take "anyone". We are so damn good that were "chosen one's" for the Dept. of Homeland Security. I am proud to be a member of the elite United States Coast Guard.
Semper Paratus Baby!!!!
both my folks were air force and i worked on an army base for over two years. everyone i know would have found this to be hilarious. it's obviously meant in good humor.
Reminds me of a joke I heard about helicopters;
In the Air Force they call helicopters helicopters.
In the Army they call helicopters Chopers.
In the Navy they call helicopters Helos.
And in the Marine Corp, they call helicopters (pointing up) Ugh! Ugh! Ugh!